We were in John’s garage working on my boat getting, it serviced and ready for the upcoming bass season. As we worked, we reminisced over last year’s fishing, told a lot of stories, and looked forward to a good year ahead.

After awhile, the subject of my column came up.

“Let me run an idea for a story past you,” I said.

After presenting the plot, I looked at John and waited for his reaction.

He quietly continued working for a while and then replied, “Fred, if you print that story, I’ll hit you over the head with this lead hammer and we will no longer be friends.”

“But John, I use only first names in the stories; no one will ever know it’s you,” I replied.

“They will figure it out and harass me to no end, which will be mighty embarrassing. Don’t you dare print it,” he said. Those were his final words.

So the idea was dropped.

It was weeks later, after a club meeting, when I brought the idea up again. John looks after his mother and, one day, while having supper, he told her about my story. She thought it was funny and would make a cute story.

John softened up a little and agreed with her that it might be okay to do. So here it is:
The last club tournament of the year is a two-day classic on our home lakes. The first day was a Saturday on Cowanesque Lake that ended with John in the lead. He also had the lunker, which weighed in at six-and-three-quarter pounds, leaving him in good position for the next day. Most of the other anglers were struggling to find fish.

The second day, Sunday was spent on Hammond Lake. It was not a good tournament day. The weather was cold and windy with on-and-off rain showers. Everyone was wearing warm clothing and rain gear.

John is a good-size guy and normally wears suspenders instead of a belt; on that day, he had a second set on to hold up his rain pants. Like everyone else, he was bundled up real snug.

The tournament ended and the weigh-in was in progress. Everyone was glad to shed their rain gear and hear the final results for the two days.

With the weigh-in over, John walked past me coming from the direction of the men’s room, and I asked “How did you do today John?”

He sighed. “Well, I did good and not so good.” 

“Why? What do you mean good and not so good?” I questioned.

“I did good by coming in first place and having the lunker for the tournament, but . . . ” he said, stopping short.

“But what?” I asked.

“The not-so-good part . . . now don’t you dare breathe a word of this to anyone,” he said. “Halfway through the day, the dang elastic on my underwear broke. With so many clothes on and a double set of suspenders, I didn’t even try to go there to fix the problem. Feeling I could win this thing, I didn’t want to waste time digging for underwear. I spent the last half of the day with the dang things down around my knees. Boy, that was god-awful mighty uncomfortable. I feel much better now.” He then bounced off toward the scales where the results were to be announced and the checks handed out to the winners.

Of course, I did have to promise not to mention a word of his problem to anyone.
The annual banquet came around and it was time to give out the awards for the year. Trophies are awarded to the top anglers of the year, the classic winners, and the largest lunker. Recognition is also given for special accomplishments and incidents. I was presented a certificate for catching six-and-a-half lunkers for the year. The half came when I tied with John in one tournament. They were on me quite a bit because, even though I had many lunkers, John had the largest one for the year. The fact that I fished with him on that day and had to net it gave them more ammunition to hassle me with.

Then I just had to do it . . . I told the underwear story.

I tried but didn’t succeed in finding an appropriate pair of suspenders or underwear to present to John to enhance the story.

He did respond with a good comeback by saying, “You would think that your lucky undies would last more than ten years!”

I wonder if anyone will figure out who John is? Names may be changed to protect the innocent.

The Lunker is a member of the Tioga County Bass Anglers (www.tiogacountybassanglers.com). You can contact him at lunker@mountainhome.com.